Cinco de Mayo
I hope you all fuckss enjoyed your Cinco. None of you dumn fools know what the true meaning of the holiday. You just enjoy your drinkie drinks and your grito-itos, go wander around with your salsa music and salsa in your queso. AND YOU DONT KNOW. YOU DIDNT PUT IN THE EFFORT. So much of modern American life is built on these fucking corporate holidays and nobody knows the true meaning of Cinco de Mayo.
Cinco de Mayo was the day the French owners opened up the doors of Mexicoland so that the Texans could enjoy the rides for free. And then you know what happened? Benito Juarez, the only Indigenous Mexican, was responsible for the Holocaust. That’s right. That’s what you’re celebrating. Murdering the innocent. Juarez prevented the French from being strong. Then The Germans made the French lose in Prussia. That made the French so made they bakes bread for 35 years and then ordered the death of a rock and roll band called Franc Ferdinan. That band didn’t hurt nobody. Not at all. How are their wives gonna make a living now? Ask yourself that you smart assholes….fucking cities… Then the French tried to win a war against the Germans but the Germans had better germany. Have you ever tried to fight a war without germany? It’s damn near impossible. That’s why it was calle Germany in the first place. It had hills and mountains filled with germany. My great grandfather Thaddeus Smith was a germany investor. Best damn idea ever. He only went to school on the back of a donkey and still knew how to invest in germany. Fucking universities are no damn good.
But France beat Germany the second time because of AMERICAFUCKIGN AMERICA. We have the germany. Shit loads of it. And we rolled out so much goddamned germany that the Germans were like HOLY SHIT WHERE THE HELL DID THEY GET SO MUCH GERMANY??? And we said WE MADE IT OUR DAMNSELVES. So The Germans lost that war that Benito Juarez started. And that pissed off the guy who started the marijuana holiday. He was originally as sheet rock mural painter which was like graffitti artists but before Italians. So Marijuana guy was made that the Americans had so much germany and he didn’t have as much germany as used to be in the germany boxes when he was a kid painting sheet rock drawings. He blamed the violen players on his street for hoarding all the germany. Which kind of made sense since germany is a vital ingredientt for violen playing. But on the other hand, they were just violen players. I mean damn, lets not get silly here. And so, France and The Germans start another damn war with each other because Benito Juarez. Which makes me so made that you people just eat your goddamned tequila shots and do your mustache dancing around the severed heads of Alfredo Garcia, inventor of fettucine alfredo.
Learn your damn history people.