Delish Most Underrated
The Most Underrated Cocktail of 2025 is the Death in the Afternoon.
The Death in the Afternoon is 1.5 oz of absinthe (or absinthe substitute) paired with 4–5oz of Champagne. It is to be consumed while typing. One can time their remote work productivity by the amount of DotA’s they’ve drank. Papa Himself recommended that the Death in the Afternoon be sipped upon while working. As such, quality over quantity is the goal. For absinthe, one should pursue excellence and acquire Swiss absinthe. If that is a logistical impossibility, some pseudo-Gallic rotgut from South Louisiana will suffice. For champagne, one must drink Champagne. From the Champagne region of France. Not Cava. Not Prosecco. Not Sparkling wine from Californeyeyay. But honest to God, tiny bubbles, brioche nosed champagne. Don’t be a broke ass; the Ghosts will know that you’ve cheated them.
The recommended method of drink production is to purchase 6–12 crystal coupes. Avoid leaded crystal. If you do not have the purchasing power for crystal coupes, you can use regular glass coupes. If you do not have that option, 6–12 sturdy wine glasses will suffice. Under absolutely no circumstances is the drinker to consume this cocktail in a champagne flute. It is preferable under those spiritually impoverished conditions to drink from a red solo cup, as Toby Keith intended. Champagne flutes are an abomination before The Lord.
After you have acquired the proper instruments of imbibeation, you should build the cocktail — 1.5 oz absinthe (or absinthe substitute) AND 4–5 oz of champagne. Not Cava. Not Prosecco. Not Sparkling wine from Californeyeyay. Champagne. These should be mixed in a crystal coupe and consumed with the same attention one gives hunting a deer from a blind in the Piney Woods. Out of one eye, you hunt the deer. Out the other eye, you do your remote work.
Because this cocktail is a working man’s cocktail, one must never, Never, NeVeR, NEVER reuse a glass. You must share with your brothers and sisters in Dish the work of the day. When you finish your first Death in the Afternoon, you should have accomplished one hour of electronic drudgery, keyboard tapping, and mouse clickery. Forty-five minutes at the least. At that point, leave the empty glass and go to your Ethanol Production Facility. Build another Death in the Afternoon in a fresh crystal coupe. Sit down for round two. An accomplished high functioning individual should be able to put in 7–8 hours of work that way. The primary constraint is the amount of liquid in a champagne bottle. Usually, it’s about four glasses, but with the extra 1.5 oz of absinthe (or absinthe substitute. I keep writing this in the hopes Pernod Ricard will give me a record deal), you could stretch one bottle out to five, perhaps even six glasses of Death in the Afternoon. This having been noted, seven glasses is our goal.
Given the two-ingredient simplicity of the Death in the Afternoon, oft times your local neighborhood ethanol dealer (that’s me) will add lemon juice or simple syrup to the drink. Simple syrup is the better as lemon juice and absinthe (or absinthe substitute) is known to cause revolutionary activities in Mediterranean and Latin American speaking countries. Additionally, one could flavor the simple syrup with any number of vegetative ingredients. I’m fond of carrots, but I leave the exploration and experimentation to you, Dear Reader.
As you enjoy the Death in the Afternoon, the Most Underrated Cocktail of 2025, you must leave local record of your consumption. On your desk. As you work. I recommend seven empty glasses at the end of the session. As Seven is the Cypher of Perfection in many numerological systems, the perfection will spread and influence the quality of your work, by the properties of Near Field Magick. But only if you leave the glasses on the desk. Pretend you’re in a birria restaurant in CDMX. Leave the glasses for later for the mesero to count. It’s an accomplishment. Make Pernod Ricard happy.
The Death in the Afternoon. The most underrated cocktail of 2025. Who loves ya’ baby? MAIJAX
