The Chain Bathing Suit

In the summer of 1990, my dad took Mom and me back to Mississippi. We went to Natchez, then took the Trace up to Jackson. It was ARMAC’s 30th high school reunion. At some point on this trip, my dad told me about the events of “Mississippi Burning” and relayed some of his experiences growing up in Delhi, LA and Jackson, MS during Jim Crow. (To sum up — Although there was prejudice against Catholics, there was terror against Blacks. ) He told me an old Southern story which has become cliche in 2020, but it illustrates the thinking of the contemporary Republican Party and all the associated Neo-Confederates.

“One morning, on a small tributary of the Mississippi, the body of a black man washed up on the bank of the river. The local sheriff was called and a small group of whites assembled. The man’s body was wrapped in chain and demonstrated obvious signs of assault as well as the subsequent bloat from drowning. The sheriff calmly and professionally assessed the situation. ‘Well, gentlemen, it’s clear to me this n***** done stole more chain than he could swim with.’ “

I’ve heard this story retold a few times since my dad brought it up thirty years ago. It’s always relayed as a looking-over-the-shoulder joke in “Whites Only” company. Except it’s not particularly funny. In fact, it’s horrific. But the point here is not to recite chapter and verse from the Gospel Of Woke. This is an examination of Neo-Confederate Tactics during the other Long War called The This Whole Thing.

The Neo-Confederates CONSTANTLY give a man more chain than he can swim with and then blame him for drowning. They step on your foot and then blame you for not running away. They invade your home and then blame you for not following the law. They kneel on your neck and then blame you for not complying with their instructions. They dress up in MAGA hats and banana camo kilts and run around DC stabbing people and then cry that BLMANTIFA are going to burn down the suburbs. This isn’t hypocrisy. This is a tactic of guerrillas. It’s asymmetrical warfare, y’all. It’s designed to wear you down and destroy your morale. The Neo-Confederates know they can’t win a war on the actual field of battle. They tried it and got their asses handed to them. One in five Southern Whites was killed or grievously maimed. An agrarian nation of seersucker landowners, dirt-farm plebians and chattel helots cannot defeat an Industrial War Machine. Sparta only defeated Athens the first time. The second time around, The Union fired up its logistics and literally cut the Confederacy in half. They then burned to the fucking ground half of CSA territory. These Neo-Confederates have already been soundly thrashed once. They know they can’t win in open battle. So, they fight a guerrilla war.

So, when the N-Cs blame you for reacting in a manner they themselves would also act, it’s not hypocrisy. It’s the Chain Bathing Suit and it’s a tactic. But every punch has a block…